To my sister...

Happy 65th!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (tomorrow)

Egads!!!

SG has been down all day; will supposedly be back up tomorrow morning at 0800 (zone?) And of course all us die-hards are going thru withdrawl!! Cuz started a chain Email for us, but it's just not the same!! Did SG know this was coming?? If so, why didn't they warn us? Or did their server pull it on them abruptly? Inquiring minds want to know!!!

The worst of it is that I can't tease/taunt Robin with SS clues!!! Her first package from her SS arrived today for re-mailing... so many yummies!!! And of course I'll be adding a little something of my own to the package for her...

The good, great, fantastic news for today is that despite having some of his 'head-banging' sneezes, Duncan hasn't had a nose bleed!!! Yippee-aye-ay!!!

Off to try & do some journaling for the last perception swap page...

A long day...

It's been a very long, emotionally/mentally draining day ~

Just before I went to bed, at 0130 this morning, Duncan had a fairly big nose bleed. He ended up spending the night in the laundry room. (no worries ~ it's warm, and he had his small bed in there) Bless his little heart that he neither whined or howled at being left in there!)
He was still a bit drippy this morning, until about 1030, when he had a major bleed... Hustled him out to the patio (in the snow!!!) and got the Epinephrine drops into him. They cleared up the worst of the bleed, so that he was just a bit drippy after that.
In the midst of all this, a realtor calls & wants to come preview the house for a client ~ sure, no problem... (all the while, I'm thinking "Where the hell were you during the 2 realtor's open houses?!?!?!")
He comes, he looks, no prob. Says he might be calling later to bring a client by... fine, sure, whatever. Just let me tend to my baby!
Duncan is still having an occasional bloody drip; Jim gets ready to go to the store. We've pulled down Dunc's big kennel and put him in it, just in case... Jim leaves, and the realtor calls, wanting to bring his client by. Fine, but let her know I can't leave the house; I have to stay near the dog. There is the usual run-around, making sure the house is 'presentable' (i.e. making sure there are no obvious bloodstains to be seen!!!)
Almost 1.5 hours late, they finally show up (at least they did call and say they were running late!). Seemed to me like the lady was interested. (all appendages crossed!!!) I had tried leaving Dunc in his kennel, but he was howling and whining and trying to bite the wire door, so I just plopped him in my lap while they were here... my legs went dead, but he was much happier! (and quieter!)

So ~ no bleeding at all for the last 6 or so hours. But again ~ should we redo the MRI to try and see what the heck is going on??? The bleeding was from his left nostril, opposite where the original tumor was; is there a new tumor???
On the other hand, he seemed a bit perkier this afternoon than he had in days...

***sigh***

Between worrying about him, and about a good friend, I'm wiped out. I'm going to chance keeping him in the bedroom tonight ~ I just HATE the thought of leaving him alone.

My sweet baby boy.

And thus the emotional/mental exhaustion.

A Tag from Heather...

ONE WORD ANSWERS!

You're Feeling: worried
To Your Left: notes
On Your Mind: Duncan
Last Meal Included: carrots
You Sometimes Find it Hard To: workout
The Weather: snowing!!
Something You Have a Collection of: Hummels
A Smell that Cheers You Up: cinnamon
A Smell that Can Ruin Your Mood: skunk
How Long Since You Last Shaved: Wed.
The Current State of Your Hair: flat
The Largest Item On Your Desk/Workspace Right Now (besides computer): box
Your Skill with Chopsticks: fair
Which Section You Head to First In the Bookstore: crafts
...and After That?: magazines
Something You're Craving: latte
Your General Thoughts On the Presidential Race: mean
How Many Times You've Been Hospitalized this Year: zero
A Favorite Place to Go for Quiet Time: scraproom
You've Always Secretly Thought You'd Be a Good: archaeologist
Something that Freaks You Out a Little: kids
Something You've Eaten Too Much of Lately: chips
You Have Never: parachuted
You Never Want To: wreck

Tag: all!!

Crap!!!

I'm screwed!!!

A non-official tag...

OK ~ I'm not going to tag anyone for this... but just for grins...

List ~
4 places you have lived
4 places you've been on vacation
4 favorite foods
4 places you would rather be
4 jobs you've had


1. Germany
2. California
3. Guam
4. upstate NY

1. Carmel/Monterey
2. Sweden/Holland
3. the Oregon coast
4. Washington DC

1. salmon
2. Jim's pizza
3. Jim's French Onion soup
4. Pioneer Woman's pot roast

1. Los Osos, CA
2. The Garden Spa (scrapping retreat in Arroyo Grande, CA)
3. Guam (but ONLY long enough to do a big shop at China Arts!)
4. Carmel, CA

1. front person at Burger King
2. nurse at a Nutri-System place
3. kitchen worker at a Catholic hospital
4. ICU nurse at a hosp. that did open heart surgeries

Chemo #7...

First of all, Dunc's Phenobarb level came back exactly where it was last time ~ slightly sub-theraputic. I've made the decision to NOT increase his dose right now... it just makes him too 'stoned'. If he starts having more frequent seizures, I'll consider it.

I had kind of expected his CBC #'s to all be low today, as he's been quite lethargic for the last 2-3 days. But, they were all good, so he got chemo #7 this morning (it was the oral dose).

His nose bleeding has almost completely stopped (YAY!!!), though he is still sneezing quite a bit... but I'm concerned about some other things. In the last week, I've seen some personality changes that have me wondering if they are related to the tumor, or just to the chemo drugs.
1. He's been being VERY needy in the evenings when I'm at ScrapCentral ~ whining to be petted, and sitting/standing as close to me as he can get. Very unlike him.
2. He's been trying to eat pieces of bark dust from the flower beds, and old dried leaves when he's out back ~ he's never done that before.
3. He's shown some aggression when I try to shoo him away from #2 ~ he's growled & snapped a bit at me a few times.
4. And physically, he has seemed more ataxic (stumbling) in the last 4-5 days.

I didn't go to the vet with Jim this AM (I'm not feeling well) so Dr. Sandy said I could call her later today with my concerns. (bless her soul!!) I'm still wondering if we should go ahead and take him over for a repeat MRI.

***sigh***

But he still gets excited about his beloved carrots, and his meals, so it's not all bad!

Moving on to other things... I only have 1.5 LO's to do for the perception swap ~ the journaling for one, and just pulling together the last one. I'm so proud of meself!!
:-)))

4,000...

...and counting, in a totally bogus war. How pathetic.

Proven ~ no WMD's.

Proven ~ no connection between Al Queda and Iraq.

Proven ~ Emperor Bush is a psychotic meglomaniac with delusions of grandeur.


302 days...

my thankfully unexciting day today...

What I did today...

- was rudely awakened when Jim came in to get Duncan so he could give him his Phenobarb at 0730, so he could have a level drawn at 1130. And of course I couldn't go back to sleep after that... bleah.
- got up and read the paper.
- did 4 X-word puzzles while watching the few shows on Sat. AM HGTV I like any more. Will this awful fascination with people trying to sell their house EVER go away??? YUCK And will HGTV ever be rid of smarmy Aussie show hosts?? Nothing against Aussies ~ they are AWESOME to party with!!! but puh-leeze!!!
- piddled around on the 'puter for a bit. Posted that something I had up for grabs was gone ~ long story there!!! Felt very virtuous in my response!!! (can you tell I'm trying REALLY hard not to gloat here?!?!)
- did a bit of dusting
- cleaned my bathroom, complete with a pumice stone scrubbing of the throne! Wondered why in the hell hadn't we bought a "stone on a stick" before now?!?!?! Yeah, I know ~ TMI!!!
- discovered a new blog by a nurse in KC, MO ~~ FANTASTIC!!! I'm just not ready to share yet...
- watered all the house plants ~ decided the 'Escargot' begonia was toast & put it outside to die a lonely death. Gorgeous plant for a hothouse, but doomed in our 62* house! :-(((
- mourned that Stevie-baby came in second in the polls. Consoled myself that at least he was still alive. Hope springs eternal... and guess what I'm listening to right now?
- filed & buffed my toenails... hey ~ if PW can blog about picking her toes, so can I!!
- gave the Doodle-bug a water-only bath. He needed it ~ he'd been incontinent of urine the night after his seizure, plus his chest hair was matted from his sneezing.And he was such a sweetie about it!! He never tries to climb out of the tub ~ just rests his head on my arm & looks pathetically sad! After about 5 minutes in the water(which was up to his tummy), he just laid down, making it real easy for me!
- watched a documentary about Freddie Mercury ~ I never knew he was Indian! And now I know why so many were voting for him as the best male rock singer ever... (what he did with the Italian soprano was GREAT!) ~ but in the end, Steve-baby is still my guy!!!

And on that note, I'll say good night! RIP as you wanted, Freddie ~


PS ~ wish you all could see Dunc right now ~ he was rolling around on his back like a kookie dog, and ended up right next to the computer desk ~ his ears are all flopped out to either side of his head, front paws in the air, silly smile on his face... How can I help but love him?!?!?!

A Seizure...

Dunc had one last night ~ the first since the original 2 in mid December. And of course, the first thought thru my mind afterwards was that the tumor was back... shit, shit, shit.

He's back to pretty much normal this morning. We talked to Dr. Sandy, who recommended another MRI. Then we talked to Dr. Fidel (the cancer specialist at WSU); she (in one simple sentence) made my heart stop breaking... she said the seizure may very well just be from the scar tissue where the tumor had broken thru into the brain initially; that any dog who has had a seizure is at risk for more.

So picture me slapping myself on the forehead, and saying "Duh, nurse bobbie ~ you knew that"!!!

She recommended getting a Phenobarb level, and upping his Phenobarb dose if its still low. And she was very sweet, telling me that anytime I wanted to bring Dunky over for an MRI I could.

So, I've stopped crying for now. And now I'm wondering just what Dunc was trying to tell me last night... For about an hour before his seizure, he was being VERY needy, which is not like him at all. I was at Scrap Central, and he kept rubbing his head on my legs and whining at me to be petted. Was he telling me something didn't quite feel/seem right to him? Humans can get auras pre-seizure; do dogs? I'll have to ask Sandy and Dr. Fidel...

Another "Duh" moment... some dogs are able to sense that their owners are going to have a seizure (and so are considered therapy dogs); so now I'm thinking Duncan DID know something was wrong last night!!

Days left...

306...



...and they can't go fast enough.

Chemo Tuesday #6...

Have I ever mentioned how much I've begun to dread chemo Tuesdays???

Duncan was pretty lethargic Sun. evening & most of yesterday... and I would have bet money that his blood counts would be too low to allow the next dose of chemo...

But the Mighty Warrior fooled me!! While he remains a bit anemic (per his usual), his neutrophils (the bacteria fighting parts of blood) had jumped from 1.3 to 10.5!!! (Guess Dr. Fidel, bless her heart, knew what she was talking about!!) So we were a go for the Vincristine today.

My baby seems a bit wiped out this evening... but not so much that he wasn't in the kitchen, under Jim's feet, whilst Jim was trying to fix dinner!!! I knew Jim was getting a bit frustrated, having to shoo Dunc out of his way all the time ~ but all I could do was rejoice that Dunc had the energy to make such a pest of himself!!!
:-)))

Right now Dunkie is sacked out between the 2 chairs in Scrap Central ~ that way he can keep an eye on the both of us ~ :-))

What was really weird this morning was my reaction to leaving Dunc at the vets', after we knew the results of the CBC... I couldn't keep the tears back! I think a huge part of that is/was worrying about his 'quality of life'...
Is he still enjoying his life, even though at times he is totally wiped out??????
And at this point, I still have to say that yes, he is...as evidenced by the sight of him rolling around on his back like a kookie dog in the sunny grass this afternoon, and by him licking my face when I give him cuddles, and by him 'dancing' when we pull the carrots out of the frig. And by him pestering the heck out of Jim while he tries to fix dinner!!
When he no longer takes pleasure in those things, I know it will be time for him to go over the Rainbow Bridge.

PS ~ to all my non-medical world friends ~ Sorry about all the medical terms. If you have any questions, please feel free to ask. Once a nurse, always a nurse.

A new dog...

Duncan is back to his old self today... walking with a spring in his step, outside in the grass, rolling around like a kookie dog, following me everywhere around the house!

YAYYYYYYYY!!!

Better living thru chemicals!!!

A very scary 24 hours!!

So when I got home from work last night, Jim said Dunc had spent most of the day sleeping, with only a few minor little nose bleeds. Cool. But as the evening went on, he was getting more & more lethargic... and didn't really want to do any walking. I cuddled him on my chest for about 3 1/2 hours, till about 0130, then I carried him to bed. I was crying, fearing we were losing him. At times he was very tachycardic (fast heart rate), and he felt like he had a fever.

This morning, he never stirred when Jim got up (which usually means breakfast), nor did he stir when I got up... VERY unusual!! Finally, he tried to turn around in his bed, but had NO strength in his legs. I carried him out to the kitchen and set him down ~ his legs slid right out from under him. I had Jim call the vet, who blessedly said bring him right in... I just KNEW we were going to lose him then.

Got to the vet ~ normal heart rate and temp. He was still limp as a noodle, not even trying to sniff or look around,and still with no strength in his legs. Vet put a call in to Dr. Fidel, to see if a bit of Prednisone would help. While we were waiting, Dunkie started perking up a bit; drank some water and walked a few shaky steps to it when I moved it away from him. So we put him down on the floor ~ still a bit shaky on his pins, but walking! He even went outside to do wees. Still waiting for call back, I got to talking with Vet; and then it hit me!! I said "When he got the Doxo a week & a half ago, his neutrophils were barely 3 ~ let's check a CBC" (complete blood count)

And BINGO!!!!!!!!!!!!!

His neuts were only 1.3 (!!!!!! ~ 3 is VERY low normal); his hemoglobin was only 8.6 (low normal is 12), and his RBC's were only 3.37 (low normal) 5.5)!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! His platelets were in the cellar, too!


Holy SHIT!!!!! ~ no WONDER he'd been been bleeding, and feeling so puny!!!

So, Dr. Fidel thinks his neuts will spring back on their own.... and we got a dose of Epogen in him (with another due Sat.)for his RBC's, etc.

(for those of you who might be interested, Epogen is usually used in human cancer and renal disease patients to increase their production of RBC's ~ When it first came out, it was considered a wonder drug, and as far as I know, it still is)

So in the space of 18 hours, I've gone from bawling my eyes out (and now I have a lovely, grainy, swollen "eye hangover") to wanting to shout from the rooftops!!

I'm just kicking myself for not thinking of all that when he had the big bleed Monday!! Guess I've been away from 'real' nursing too long!

Duncan is still pretty pooped, but showing a sign or 2 of perkiness every now & then (carrots, anyone?!?!)

More on Duncan...

He had 2 more small to moderate episodes of bleeding this morning ~ fortunately nothing as spectacular as yesterday. I just talked with Dr. Fidel, the onc. specialist... she agreed with me that this far out, the bleeding is almost certainly not from the tumor itself sloughing off. And that there was a chance it meant that the tumor was spreading. She did say that if the tumor was spreading, she would be expecting to see neurological changes (personality or gait changes; problems with balance, etc) and we've seen nothing like that.
So, for now, what we're going to try is nasal epinepherine drops (to constrict blood vessels). Then, if he keeps bleeding, we'll need to take him back to Pullman for a repeat MRI.

Shit.

If the tumor is growing, in spite of the rad. tx., and the 4 doses of chemo, we will stop treatment.

I'm gonna go cry for a while now.

Poor Duncan!!

At 6.30 this morning he had 2 big sneezes... I jumped out of bed and there was blood EVERYWHERE!!! I spent the next hour scrubbing it out of the carpet, off the walls and closet doors, off the bedspread... Later today I have to give him a bath, because its also all in his coat (on his chest and front paws)

Poor little guy!

And he's been very lethargic this morning ~ I'd bet his white count is in the cellar.

But he remains my sweet, loving little baby boy!!



5.29 pm Update ~

Duncan has had 2 more hemorrhages this afternoon. The part that scares me the most is that all the blood is coming from his left nare ~ the side OPPOSITE his original tumor. Could the tumor be spreading?? I talked with Dr. Sandy this afternoon; we're going to call Dr. Fidel(the oncology specialist @ WSU) tomorrow morning. I know they told us to expect some bleeding from his nose; maybe I'm just being paranoid...

So hard to separate 'mom' from nurse... and bless Dr. Sandy's heart! She is endlessly kind and patient with me!!

LOL!!!

I'm sorry, but I just can't helping laughing about the latest happening on the SG boards!!!
Good riddance to bad rubbish...












PS ~ I'm not really sorry!!! ;-)))

Happy first day of Spring!!!

Yeah, yeah, yeah ~ I know... It's technically March 20th... however, today was the first day we went out and worked in the garden, so for me, that's the first day of spring!!!
We pruned the HT roses, trimmed back the floribunda, stripped old leaves off the perennials...
Also, today was the first day we saw shoots on some of the many bulbs we planted in the front yard circle! Yippee!!! And yes, I took pix!!
Plus, I got about 1/2 the bulbs (that I didn't get planted last fall!) into containers ~ should make for a pretty display here soon!) Most of them were sprouting, despite having spent the winter in our dark garage! Now I just have to find a place for the 30-40 that are left ~

It was an absolutely gorgeous day ~ 55*, clear as a bell, little wind. We had the house all opened up ~ so great after a winter of stale forced hot air!!

Post-chemo and BE ~

Duncan seems to be doing just great!! No real lethargy, still whining for his carrots... :-)))

"And now for something completely different"... (name that show!)
I've discovered Bare Escentuals makeup! Those of you who know me well know how much I hate the idea of wearing makeup beyond some mascara and a bit of blush... (Thank heavens for the permanent eye liner!!) But nearing 50, I decided I needed something! And in perfect timing, one of the gals at SG started raving about BE, so I checked it out. Went to a place that carries it yesterday ~ got a demo, and bought a starter kit. It doesn't FEEL like makeup, and after nine hours of wear yesterday on my oily skin, it still looked good! Evens out skin tones, doesn't cake, looks VERY natural!! Some of the SG ladies have been using it for over 15 years; even those relatively new to it swear by it.

"I feel pretty, oh so pretty!!" (that was for you,Leah!)

Duncan did great!!!

Duncan was fine with the deadly chemo today, though he almost didn't get it!! While his white blood count was fine, his neutrophils were exactly 3K ~ they should be OVER 3K for chemo. Sandy called Dr. Fidel at WSU, who said that if Dunc was fairly perky, and showing no signs of an infection, she would go ahead with the tx... so we did. We did start him on prophylactic ABX (antibiotics) though, just to be on the safe side.
If anything, he is perkier now than when we took him in this morning!!

The other bad thing about the doxorubicin is that each dose is cumulative; which means he will be more at risk for heart failure with each dose! Fortunately, he only gets it twice more ~ weeks 9 and 25.

He gets a break next week ~ no chemo scheduled ~ Yippee!!!

Thanks for all the good thoughts and wishes, gang ~ and Duncan sends slurps!!!

PS ~ Apologies for repeating meself about the Doxo...

A VERY scary chemo day tomorrow ~

Tomorrow Duncan is due for his first dose of Doxorubicin (Adriamycin) ~ the drug that can cause sudden heart failure and arrest. Needless to say ~ I'm terrified!! We already know he has one floppy valve... so he is even MORE at risk!!
And even more scary to me is that he is scheduled for a total of 3 doses of the Doxo ~ because the chance for heart problems increases with each dosing!! Sometimes, being in the medical field REALLY sucks!
All I can do is hold on to my love for him. And to remember that I rescued him from an uncertain fate... and that if I have given him even half as much joy & pleasure & love as he has given me, I will be happy.
He is my life.


More tomorrow ~

Dunc & Blog music &...

Dunc has done much better with this last dose of Vincristine than I thought he would ~ no day long naps... more like just a slight, overall lethargy. What DOES worry me is the 3 nose bleeds he's had this week ~ the first one was bad (I had to ice his poor little nose); the other 2 were only moderate. I know they told us to expect some bleeding post rad. tx., but this far out?? Talked with Dr. Sandy, who talked with Dr. Fidel ~ normal. But still I worry that it means the tumor is extending. Shit. No way to check without an MRI...

Re: automatic music on blogs... I love my friends' blogs, but please!! 99.5% of the time I'm on the computer, I have my own music going ~ I don't want to have to turn it off and be forced to listen to yours! If there is an option to turn yours off, please tell me where it is!!. Or do as I do, and list your music on the side ~ so I can listen when I want to! Thanks for hearing me out on that one...

Worked on the Perception swap most of the day ~ it can be very hard to come up with something that doesn't sound totally dorky!! And I have to keep remembering Mom's maxim!!!