Surgery ~ it's a go...

...for this Thursday (the 8th).

Unfortunately, I'm having some pretty severe panic attacks about it (starting yesterday afternoon when I had a complete meltdown and cried for about 7 hours straight)

What I fear ~

the TERROR of being on the other side of the bedrails
loss of control
loss of identity
confinement
claustrophobia
being caged
loss of autonomy
the feeling of being 'trapped'
and the WORST of all ~ the terror of possibly not being in a private room. Because I KNOW if that happens, I will get absolutely NO rest, NO sleep and by the third day I will (almost literally) be screaming to get the F*** out of there.

I am SO scared. Not about any of the physical stuff; only the mental, emotional stuff.