Time for an update... we got Duncan to WSU on the 27th ~ they redid the biopsy (4 samples) and gave him his first radiation therapy treatment (here after RTT). We got to spend some time with him after ~ he was still a bit wobbly, but I did get some kisses, and he got some carrots (his new favorite snack!)

We also got to see him the next morning after his 2nd RTT ~ he was much clearer mentally, and I was able to take him for a short walk. Jim and I both got our face time ~ neither of us needed to wash our faces that morning!!

We headed home after that ~ no problems with weather.

Dunc's student Emily has called us every evening... tonight she said that he was doing great! No seizures, no more blood from the nose, no limp or knuckling ~ YAY!!

We probably won't see any results on the biopsy till Monday at the earliest; more likely Wed. We're still keeping everything crossed that they got a good sample, and that it's a slow growing tumor.

We're planning on going back around the 4th, to stay one or 2 nights. If he's still doing well, he'll be able to stay with us at the hotel.

The stress of the last 2 weeks has caught up with me... I've been feeling puny all day. Hopefully it's something that will blow over quickly...

early morning thoughts and...

I wrote this early this morning on SG ~

Cuz asked me, in a PM, if I was glad Duncan was home...

Yes, but...

I can see the phenobarb levels build up in him... he is having more and more trouble walking, esp. on the uneven grass and our tile floors ~ his Proin tabs don't seem to be controlling his urinary incontinence at all anymore ( the PB makes him excessively thirsty, so that doesn't help) ~ and he's been having some severe respiratory depression when he sleeps (breathing only 8 - 12 times/ min ). I was up half the night last night listening ~ terrified he would just stop breathing.

I don't know if I can do this. Half the time he looks around like he's never seen this place before, esp. if he's just woken up. That's not him. His sight and hearing is getting worse every day ~ tumor or PB?

When he IS here, he is still my sweet baby boy ~ following me around like a puppy, wanting lots of face time (kisses), being utterly adorable. But that's happening less and less. The PB makes him SO lethargic.

Its only going to get worse. And that's not counting all the side effects to be expected from the radiation. I don't even want to go into all that right now...

If this were about me, I would say "NO MORE." Am I selfish to want to keep him with me longer... go for it all? Or am I selfish in not wanting to prolong a slow deterioration ~ to just let nature take her course?

I feel like I'm being torn in two

Then this afternoon...

How did I know?

Duncan can barely walk this morning, and he is in pain...

He was having trouble walking first thing this morning when he came out for breakfast, really dragging him left front foot (kind of walking on his knuckle. ) And when he would try to just sit, that front foot kept sliding out to the side ~ he had very little control of it.
He ate fine, then came back into my bedroom. When I got up a bit later, and he tried to follow me, he was still knuckling the left front foot, and the other 3 legs were very unsteady and weak. We also noticed that when we tried to move him, he would yelp in pain.

Me, being the calm, cool, professional nurse that I am, immediately burst into tears.

Calls to WSU, calls to our local vet...

We already know he has a lot of bony spinal cord impingement (age related) ~ could the tumor be making it worse? Had the tumor gotten into the part of the brain responsible for gait/co-ordination? (but that wouldn't explain the pain) Or had the ataxia (drunken walking) from the damn PB caused his leg to slip out, causing a shoulder sprain/stain? (that's my guess) Who the hell knows?

Our vet gave him a shot of steroids (non-baseball kind!) and we have him crated now to restrict him movement.

We'll still be taking him over to the east side tomorrow...

SGers ~ sorry about the duplication, but no way can I write it up new..

We've now taken the top off the crate ~ he is making NO effort to get up and move. We carried him outside to piddle; he could barely get to his feet.

Home, and second biopsy...

We got home with no problem today ~ it was gorgeous out, actually. However, since we've gotten home, I've gone into a bit of a depression. I think it is seeing Dunc in all his familiar places, being his usual "kookie-dog" self... but knowing...

Plus, we heard from the doc at WSU... the second biopsy specimen was non-definitive, too. Which means they have to biopsy him again before they can start the radiation. SHIT!

That also means we may have to stay in Pullman for a couple more days next week ~


One thing I want to mention... how VERY impressed I was by every single person we encountered at WSU. From the ladies at the admissions desk, to the vet students and docs ~ they were ALL wonderful!! Would that human hospitals were so friendly!
Every single person introduced themselves, explained what they were doing and why, always asked if we had any questions... and were more than willing to repeat themselves when our stress-filled brains forgot things.
In short, they did everything I tried to do as a nurse to help families thru stressful times. If I was half as good at it as they are...

A bit more about the radiation therapy... here after known as rad tx. ~
Most of you who know me, know that I do NOT advocate keeping patients with end stage disease alive. (Me, who is going to get "DNR" tattooed on her chest!!)
But ~ I DO want Dunc to have the rad tx. IF his tumor is one that is responsive to it. If it will alleviate the seizures, and the sneezing, and if it will postpone the onset of blindness, paralysis, mental changes and any pain ~ I want it done. But ~ at the first sign of pain, or any other uncomfortable (for him) symptoms, that will be it.
Yes, it will destroy a part of me to have to say "This is where it ends", but it would hurt both me and him more to let it continue past that point. There is no way I could do that to him!

One last thing for tonight... I want to send TREMENDOUS hugs to all my friends at SG. I've had SOOO many messages of hope and love and consolation and prayers and good wishes from so many of them ~ I am truly blessed in having their support! Strange as it may seem, their 'cyber' support has helped SO much! And I know they will stay with me through whatever may come ~ and I am eternally grateful for them!

Now I'm off to sleep in my own bed, with my sweet baby boy at my feet ~ this is paradise for me.

Duncan testing and...

OK ~ if you've heard any part of this before, just keep reading...

Duncan, our LH Doxie, has been diagnosed with what is probably a cancerous tumor.The MRI is pretty impressive! It began in a nasal sinus, and has infiltrated thru the bone, and into the brain (hence the seizures he developed last Sat.) We've taken him to the WSU vet med. school, which is about 3.5 hours east of us. We'll be taking him home first thing tomorrow morning, and then bringing him back Tuesday afternoon ~ depending on what the biopsy results show (the quick smear was inconclusive), he'll start a 3 week course of palliative radiation therapy. (It's inoperable). He'll have to stay here for that, but the vet students here take turns boarding the "long term" patients, so he doesn't have to be in a kennel the whole time. Also, we can come visit anytime, or take him home for weekends. That will depend on how our weather is.
Again, depending on the type of cancer it is, and how aggressive it is, the prognosis with radiation is 6 months to a year; maybe a bit longer. Without the treatment ~ soon.

As you can imagine, this has taken a lot out of Jim and I (not to mention poor Pooper!) Right now, I'm thankful for whatever time we have left with him.
Time for a nice long soak in the tub now...

Dunky...

No seizures last night or today, thank heavens! A bit dopey from the Valium, but I can handle that. One good side effect is NO sneezing!!

We'll call to talk with Dr. Sandy (his regular vet)first thing tomorrow AM...

OK, so this is RICH!!

And it helps get my mind off Duncan... Doesn't this remind you of Nixon at his sleaziest???

http://www.cnn.com/2007/POLITICS/12/15/cia.tapes/index.html

So Emperor Bush doesn't want anyone to look too closely at what his cabal has been up to, eh? It would be laughable if it wasn't so damn scary!!

A bad, awful, horrible morning...

Duncan woke me up first thing this morning (0730) by having a 5 minute (!!) long Grand Mal seizure ~ I was absolutely terrified for him! Off to the ER vet we flew...
All his labs (glucose & lytes)were WNL, so it was nothing metabolic causing it...
The ER vet recommended an MRI, esp. given his recent nosebleeds, thinking about a possible brain tumor. SHIT!!!

They sent us home with an emergency dose of rectal Valium, which we had to use when he had a second seizure around 1130. Thank heavens the Vit V works quickly ~ this one only lasted about 90 seconds. Jim went back to the vet to pick up oral Valium ~ and now we have one very stoned little pupper!

So, we have a lot of decisions to make... I'm going to talk with our reg. vet (Sandy) first thing Monday AM...

Do we make the 3 hour drive to the east side of the state for the MRI? Can they even do a MRI with his pancreatic problems? If it DOES show a tumor, is he a candidate for OR or chemo?? (esp. given his pancreatitis) If the results are inconclusive, what do we do next?

You all know, this little guy IS MY LIFE. This is tearing my heart apart. Off to cry now...

Ooops!!!

Just realized there was a problem with that first link in Where I Go...!!!!
I'll try to get it fixed tonight or in the AM!!!

Finally!!

Finally starting to feel a bit better; the voice is coming back, and I feel less "run over" ~ Yippeeeeeeeee! Have I mentioned how much I hate being sick?!?!?!

I got my first kit from ScrapBookTakeOut (hereafter known as SBTO) today ~ lots of yummy black and white goodies! And most important ~ more Prima Paintables! :-))) Now I just need to steel myself to actually sit down and PLAY with them a bit more! GASP!! It's so hard to overcome that "But what if I mess it up" angst! Be brave, girl ~ be brave! Get out those water color pencils and Twinkling H20's!!!!

Even more good news ~ the vet called with Duncan's labs... pancreatic enzymes are decreasing again; CBC and iron levels are all WNL! YAY!!! He's still sneezing a bit, but no more nose bleeds. He was so cute just a minute ago ~ sound asleep, feet/legs paddling like crazy, eyes twitching, barking and growling... I would give my eye teeth to know what he dreams of!!

Also today, I finished the last page in my series of LO's on SP... and I'm loving how they turned out!! To see part of why he captivates me, visit the first 2 links in 'Where I Go'... one old, one new.

Ta for now ~ off to fondle the new stuff!!

a date, and more science...

Emma ~ as I type this, 406 d, 1 h, 19 m, 35 s... :-))) see below...


Just out in the Jan. issue of Discover magazine ~ in their list of the top 100 science stories of 2007, #20 is called "Fault Line in Science Policy". I'm going to quote from it, because there is no link to it as yet...

"Several reports released in 2007 bolstered the case of those claiming the Bush administration stifles scientists and attempts to alter their research findings.
...most galling... was an internal order by the Dept. of Commerce in April requiring scientists in the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Admin. to obtain permission before speaking out about matters of "official importance". The order makes "all employee utterance subject to official review".
"It's part of this administrations reluctance to base decisions on information""

Full text Discover magazine, Jan. 08 issue, page 37.

How do YOU spell "Facism"???

Geminid meteor shower...

http://stardate.org/nightsky/meteors/geminids2007.html

:-)))

Very early Monday morning...

I took a little nap after dinner; that's why I'm up so late! I've had a sore throat and icky cough for the last couple of days, so I've been laying low. I did manage to make a card for a special friend, and to get started on the final page of my SP LO's... lots of tricky cutting for that so I've been going slow. I'm still not sure how it will turn out, but so far, I'm very happy with it.

Duncan is still sneezing every once in a while, but so far, no more bleeding, thank heavens!

Hmmmm ~ thought I had lots to say, but it has all flown my mind for now... Time for sleep!

Movies & Music and...

Just finished watching the EIF tribute to movie music ~ while some of the covers made me cringe, on the whole it brought back a lot of good memories! And Usher's cover of "Singing in the Rain" was awesome! He nailed the dance moves!!!

Duncan is doing fine... still sneezing a bit, but not explosively, and no bleeding. We've changed his antihistamines again, so hopefully that will help. Poor baby ~ he's been thru so much lately!! Like any good mom, my heart just bleeds for him!

In the latest F-U Bush news... the news that Iran's nuke program has been dead in the water for some time now... :-))) And who did not expect his "No, no, they are still a terrible threat" rhetoric... I swear the man is a psychotic meglomaniac with delusions of God grandeur !! There was just a great article in a magazine (which??) about how he has isolated himself in the White House, and how even his closest advisors/friends have and are deserting him. Reminds me of a certain other psychotic leader!!! Totally out of touch with reality...

Enough ~ too damn depressing to contemplate this close to bed time...

Hum-bug and Duncan...

I'm feeling a bit less "bah hum-buggy" tonight... probably because I didn't have to listen to any canned Xmas music today!! :-))) Sometimes, it just gits ta me, ya know???

Poor Duncan started sneezing tonight, and got a really bad nosebleed... took him to ER ~ his clotting times are all normal, so the ER vet gave him a SQ sedative, and we'll call first thing tomorrow to see his reg. vet. We were cleaning blood off rugs and tile and walls!!! The poor little guy sneezes so hard sometimes he bangs his head on the floor, or on a wall if he's near one!! The first nasal scope showed nothing abnormal, and I'm hoping against hope it's not some awful infection like aspergillus! (sp?? I'm too tired to go look it up)
He's really cute right now ~ walking around like he's had some really fine Maui Wowie!! :-)))

More Xmas blues...

What annoys me the most about the season? Let me count the ways... ( in no particular order)


1. blaring Xmas music (usually bad versions of it) from before T-day on... in every single store...

2. radio stations that play nothing but Xmas music from T-day on ~ thank hevvins for iPods!!
I make it a point to call these guys and tell them that not only will I not listen to them, but that I would avoid like the plague any place that advertises with them...

3. the incessant bell ringing in front of stores by the SA group...

4. the assumption that everyone in America is a christian and celebrates Xmas...

5. hypocritical pseudo-christians who get all holy and righteous this time of year... yet are assholes the rest of the year...

6. People who decry the commercialization of Xmas, but then go out and buy tons of gifts for everyone they know, to show how much "Christmas spirit" they have...

7. People who lie to their children about the existence of a Santa Claus... what else do you lie to your children about??

8. people who try (with extra fervor) try to shove their particular brand of christianity down others throats this time of year...

Now, having said all that, I've just pinned my "How DARE you presume I'm a christian?" button to my purse...

open house and my annual "I hate Xmas" mood...

Gorgeous day today!! We were even able to open the house up all afternoon, as temps were almost 60!! All the snow has melted, and we have weeds growing ~ the seeds must have been insulated by the snow! Sheesh!!!

The realtor's open house went much better today... 8 cards... Unfortunately, sometime during the 2 hours we were gone, Sam decided he was still sick, and both puked and had diarrhea while we were away!! We can only hope it was after everyone was gone! Poor baby... and the stress of having all those strangers in 'his' house probably didn't help! From now on, he goes out in the garage if we're showing the house!! (Thank hevvins it's insulated!)

The OR coast got slammed Sun/Mon with one heck-of-a storm ~ Lincoln City (45 min from where 'our' house is) had a gust of 124 MPH!!!!! Do we really want to move there??? YES!!!!!! I'll take hurricane force winds over Yuck-ima any day!!!


Yup ~ it's official... I've been infected with my annual "I hate Xmas" mood... We walked in to Freddie's (Fred Myers) today, and were assaulted by the blaring, crappy sounding Xmas music! Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr! But I was a good girl and didn't go charging to the managers office to complain. Jim had to check me for signs of life LOL!!!

Now don't get me wrong ~ I love some Xmas music!! But I sure as hell don't want it blared at me from every single store I walk into from T-Day till 12/26!!

One of the girls on the SG MB asked a series of Xmas questions... the last of which was "What annoys you about the season?" My immediate response was "What DOESN'T annoy me about the season??? or some thing like that... BRB,,,

I can't believe I won the SG BINGO game today... that makes 2 in a row!!!! Since I absolutely refuse to host BINGO ever again, maybe I should stop playing!!!

More snow tonight, on top of the 9 inches we got last Wed/Thurs... Please let this house sell fast!!!!

We were SOOO disappointed ~ we got the place all spruced up for the realtors open house on last Fri ~ not ONE single, solitary agent showed up!!!!!!!!!!!! Sheesh!